"My Momma Didn't Raise No Dummies"..................BBQ Wit and Wisdom.....

A couple of years ago I entered the Illinois “Field of Dreams” BBQ cook off in Shannon IL http://www.ilstatebbqchampionship.com/. This is a Kansas City Barbeque Society (KCBS) sanctioned event and there were perhaps 40 or more teams competing for top prizes. The KCBS rules were enforced and the winners were decided in a double blind judging by a team of certified KCBS judges.

I was getting set up the afternoon before the judging when a particularly jovial gentleman strolled up to visit. He was dressed in jeans held up by a pair of wide suspenders, a plaid shirt, cowboy boots and a straw hat. His deeply tanned weathered face and graying hair gave him a gentle, kindly look. By his belly and size of his pants it was obvious that he had eaten a lot of “Q” over the years. I introduced myself and asked him where he was cooking and what team he was on.

This kindly old gentleman replied in a heavy Southern drawl.

“Son, my Momma didn’t raise no dummies.”

“I came all the way up here from Huntsville Alabama. You see…. you and your lovely wife are going to light a fire in your cooker about 7:30 this evening. You will be going to go to the cooks meeting at 8:00 PM. By the time the cooks meeting is over at 8:30 PM your cooker should be hot and the temperature stabilized. That’s about the time you are going to start cooking your beef brisket.

Tonight you will sleep in a lawn chair, waking up every hour or so to tend the fire and check the brisket. You will have a cold, miserable, mosquito filled night”.

“I, on the other hand, will be sleeping in the motel just down the road. At 7:00 tomorrow morning when you are putting drops in your bloodshot eyes, I am going to get up and take a hot shower. I will put on clean clothes that don’t smell like grease and smoke. I will arrive here tomorrow morning about 10:30 and will find a comfortable chair in that tent over there (pointing to the judging tent). At 11:00 AM tomorrow you will bring me my food.” He held his ample belly that shook as he laughed.

“You see, Son, my Momma didn’t raise no dummies.

I’m a Barbeque Judge!”